Okay, for a moment, just for a moment, let’s imagine that we live in an alternate universe where the Shady 2.0 BET Cypher did not happen. That the Shady cypher did NOT make you look at the earlier cyphers with disdain and pity. That Em, Slaughterhouse, and Yelawolf did NOT make ninjaz wanna tuck their whole careers in and go back to working at the Verizon call center. Okay, that didn’t happen. That said, here’s my alternate-universe ranking of the top 5 Best & Worst of the 2011 BET cypher appearances.
The Best, in no order:
1) Lady of Rage: she’s gets on the list for the pure surprise where-did-she-come-from factor. And she did well!
“Robin Givens of spitting sh*t, I’m cruel to mics.” Baby D still got it.
2) Skillz: C’mon, it’s Skillz. It’s same old Skillz flow, but it’s still tight, clever, and punchy. He definitely takes the crown as the funniest of the night with lines like, “never coming in like Jay-Z’s mustache.” (Yeah, remember “alternate universe”, focus people).
3) Lecrae: Now, I had not heard of this Houston MC. And after a little research, I see why. He is labeled as a Christian rapper, which I normally do not flux with. But he did not sound like the typical Christian rapper, if there is such a thing. He sounded fresh and hungry, especially for someone that has five albums on the streets. The streets with churches on them, I guess. In fact, he had one of the night’s more memorable lines:
“ if you’re living for whips and chains, then you’re a slave!”
4) Soprano: I don’t parle the francais, but them subtitles were fire, mon ami! Seriously, I saw some good lines in there. He had great energy, and let’s face it, everything just sounds awesome in French. I could probably stomach a french Plies song. Probably not.
5) Busta Rhymes: We get a very blazed, but focused Busta here. He turns off the rapid-fire, murder-other-peoples-track flow and turns on the aggressive, mafioso flow he’s been using for the past few years. Busta’s just having fun sonning ninjas. He is absolutely comfortable and relaxed as a veteran should be. No big mind-blowing bars, but it’s the energy and body language that sells this one and makes it one of the most memorable.
1) Reek Da Villain: Gives us gems such as, “Lyrical scientist, leaving mics with psoriasis…,” and
“Blowin so much loud, I need a hearing aid for my lungs?” Whaa? I know what he means, but I still gotta throw a flag for metaphor misuse. 10 yards.
2) Dom Kennedy: On the bright side, Dom was probably the only MC that didn’t spit a pre-written rhyme. Okay, maybe Blind Fury. But since the others came with their…ahem…best stuff, Dom looked, well, really unprepared as he relied on cliches for crutches.
3) Pill: One line, did this dude just say he was “hotter than a snotty nose”?
4) Nitty Scott, MC: She’s beautiful and skilled and everything, but you can’t just say you’re “the real life rap Halle Berry.” Violation.
5) And the grand prize goes to 2 Chainz, formerly known as Playaz Circle’s Tity Boi. Oh my, where to begin. At the beginning:
“What goes around comes around like a hula hoop…” Wow, profound.
“Call this sh!t bluetooth, cuz I don’t need a mic?” Okay…
What really gets Mr. Tity the prize is that he spits with such conviction, like he KNOWS he’s hot ****. I love it.
1) Machine Gun Kelly, for signing with Bad Boy. And being proud of it.
2) Blind Fury’s people, for letting him rock a shirt that read “Kick Ryhmes or Kick Rocks.” If you can’t read/spell you should roll with people that can read/spell.
That’s it! Disagree with me in the comments. I’m out! 2 Chainz!!!charliedigital is guest contributor to MusicandModeling.com. Find his random tweets and re-tweets on hip-hop, black culture, and technology @charliedigital